September 29th, 2005

A New Day In Bushwood

Owner Bill Hornyak enjoyed a hectic but fruitful 24 hours Monday as he pulled the trigger on a blockbuster trade and then saw his team pull out a near miraculous victory.

In what may be the biggest trade in AQ League history, Bushwood sent Peyton Manning and Michael Clayton to the Raging Bucs for Randy Moss and Fred Taylor. Manning was made expendable after a very slow start to the season. He has failed to throw a touchdown in two straight games, an unthinkable feat coming into the year.

For now, Ben Roethlisberger, showing no signs of a sophomore slump, will be elevated to the starting quarterback spot in Bushwood. Hornyak has confidence in his new signal caller, saying “he has put up good numbers thus far.”

Hornyak also now possesses an incredible wide receiver duo in Moss and Terrell Owens. Taylor has had a solid start to 2005, while Clayton has been a bit of a disappointment. Bushwood’s offensive depth issues have been addressed while the Bucs’ have only appeared to get worse.
Owner Chris Epplett has made it known that he is now looking to deal backups Marc Bulger and Jason Witten for some offensive help.

If that weren’t enough, Bushwood pulled off a 74-73.5 win over undefeated dabears late Monday night, the first half point win in league history. Heading into the game, dabears had a seemingly comfortable 12.5 point lead. Larry Johnson fumbled early and never could get anything going in his limited opportunities. Rod Smith caught a TD and was later knocked out of the game on a catch that provided Bushwood the winning point.
Bears owner Matt First was bitter and didn’t pull any punches after the game regarding Johnson’s lackluster performance.

“This is horse crap,” the defending champion surmised. “How does Johnson go negative two (points)?”
It was the type of game that First has made a living on winning early in seasons. For once, he felt what it was like to be on the other end.

For Hornyak however, it was a great 24 hours. “My team is shaping up,” the beaming owner stated.

A Near Record Day

The $h!t Kickers have been the top team in the league so far and they only reiterated that fact with a 145.5 point outing in a week three thrashing of Conquest. The total was a half point shy of Chris Epplett’s league record 146 point game in 2003.

Owner Adam LaBarre was happy but modest, pointing out that the old record was posted before assisted tackles counted in the scoring and thus he was not really that close to the record.

It was still however an epic outing for the Kickers. Steve Smith recorded 27 points and several teammates were not far behind. Brian Westbrook put up 25, Kerry Collins scored 20, Zach Thomas had 19 defensively, Julius Jones came in with 16, and Edgerrin James added 14. In all, LaBarre had 7 players in double figures.
Justin Sedlecky’s Conquest squad scored 103.5, including 35 from LaDainian Tomlinson, but was never in this game.

Other Games

Mike Hornyak’s The Token Bad Team knocked off previously unbeaten !oohaY 125-96. Hornyak is now 2-1, the first time he has had a winning record at any point in a season. Shaun Alexander scored four touchdowns and 33 points for Token.

Duante Culpepper emerged from his major funk and scored 27 points leading Bent Over Front Desk to its first win of the season, a 104.5-75 verdict over the Raging Bucs.

Color Commentary also posted its initial win of the campaign, despite being a high scorer in previous weeks, with a 93.5-69 victory over Bordeaux.

Office of the Commissioner