October 20th, 2005

THE LEAGUE IS PRACTICALLY A MOCKERY THIS YEAR

I am in an unfamiliar place. The surroundings are frightening and alien. Even Fox Mulder would be stunned.

While I click to enter “AQ League,” I expect to see business as usual. Not the case. This is not the AQ League I know. Two Hornyaks in the top five? One, namely the lesser Hornyak—in fantasy terms—rightfully in fourth place and threatening to move up the standing. In Mike’s own words, “huh?”

Then I scroll to the bottom of the standings. What is this? Two perennial title contenders vying for a spot — any spot — above the bottom of the league. Do I read those team names correctly? Raging Bucs. Bent Over Front Desk. The same two teams that would normally be scrimmaging for glory atop the league are now reduced to the likes of teams like Conquest?

One simple thought brings some sort of solace to these formerly elite owners — at least Conquest is where he’s supposed to be. Perhaps some things don’t change.

But this does not rectify the vast injustice of owners who once were respected for their unique ability to make all the right moves and assemble a contending team? Owners who had what it took to win it every year. Owners who

Where are they now? Looking up toward a steep hill and picking up players they once laughed at people for putting on their teams. How could he possibly have that player on his roster — he’s not even worth a spot in a 12 team league.

Starting them, no less. Jerry “Just Cleared Waivers” Porter. Alvin Pearman. Michael Pittman.

Still others. Antonio Bryant. Ashley Lelie. Mike “Running Back by Committee” Anderson. Two Packers? Driver and Green. A couple of good-for-nothings on a worthless team in a worthless division.

Desperation sets in. I’ll trade you Brees for Foster. Bucs — Hey, maybe Foster will start a game this season. BOFD — Hey, how many QBs can get injured in one season?

And then, it seems another defeat is imminent. BOFD to the lowly Conquest. And the Bucs to the newfangled, powerhouse $h!t Kickers.

Despite all of this, these two owners fail to stop fighting. To stop thinking they can end the season with a respectable record. To stop believing in a miracle.

At the end of the day, they go to click on the link to send them to their beloved AQ League. The screen loads and they say, “where did my AQ League go?”

It is at this point that owners like myself, like Mr. Markwart are left with only one thought — the league is practically a mockery this year.

Chris Epplett
Owner, Raging Bucs